It's been awhile since I've written an entry of any substance. I'm finding it difficult to put finger to keyboard to type out my true feelings. I've become overcome with feelings of apathy, sadness, loneliness and exhaustion. Life should start getting back to normal after finishing treatment, right? Well, sort of. Ironically, life can be a little more complicated post treatment. During treatment, you chug along doing whatever it takes to get through each day. You don't think or feel too much because you too busy making sure life goes on as normal. After treatment ends, I should be re-evaluating life. Figuring out what I want to change and what needs to stay the same. I haven't had time for that. I'm too busy worrying about what's going on with Debra and how everything is affecting Sofie.
I've been back to work for almost 2 weeks and I have to say, I'm barely holding it together. Being at work is fine. The days pass pretty quickly because I'm busy with interesting projects. The unfortunate thing was my lack of sleep usually caught up with me by days end. Fortunately, there have been visitors helping Debra with Sofie because I'm trying to get my bearings back while keeping my energy up. I haven't been successful. Hopefully I'll be able to rest more while they're in Florida this coming week.
Sofie has made if very clear that she needs/wants more time with me...specifically at the Condo. We have plans for her to stay with me next weekend, after they return from Disney World. I'm looking forward to it. I miss the one on one time we have.