Thursday, January 25, 2007

The question I've most dreaded

This morning Sofie woke up wanting to cuddle. I could see the pensive look on her face as she lay there sucking her thumb and stroking her face with her blankie. "Mommy, are all your bumps gone?" (Bumps is how we've been describing the Cancer to her) "Yes, honey. The surgery I had this past summer removed all of my bumps. The treatment I'm doing now is just extra to make sure all the bumps are gone." Silence that seemed like years, then the bombshell. "Mommy, will the bumps make Mama Debra die?" My mind was racing. Debra and I hadn't really discussed this yet. Well, we've discussed it, but we talked mostly about how Jane, Sofie's therapist, could help us explain this to her. So here it was and I had to make a split second decision. I mustered all the courage I could and said, "Well, if the bumps keep getting bigger, then yes, Mommy Debra might die. But that's why she's taking more medicine, to make sure the bumps don't get bigger." More thoughtful gazing from Sofie. I asked if anyone had said something like that to her? She said, no, she thought it up herself. I have no idea if I handled this correctly. What I do know is I didn't want to lie to her. This will be only the first of many discussions to come.


Mariana said...

Hi Dearie,
Still thinking of you all and sending you lotsa love from afar. This all sounds really hard, and you are handling it with grace and honesty. Mucho besos,

Dave Robb said...

Dear Jamie,
I've been thinking about both you and Debra a lot lately, and just stumbled onto your blog for the first time. Before I read any further, I have to stop and say you are an amazing woman! I understand the doubts you express, the inevitable result of dealing with such complex issues, but I have to say you seem to be handling all of this absolutely correctly, with such grace, honesty, and compassion, you are truly an inspiration.
Love and peace,
Dave Robb