Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Emotional Wreck

Well, I can say I'm a total wreck right now. Mostly it's emotional, with a little physical thrown in for good measure. Debra was admitted to the hospital late last night. She's been having trouble breathing, so our primary care physician made the call yesterday of having Debra go to the Emergency Room. Debra was going to try to do this by herself, but Dr. Marum suggested otherwise. Our dear friend Tracey stepped in and took Debra to Duke's ER, while I was in my motherly role of taking care of Ms. Sofie. Another friend, Betty, stepped in when Tracey had to work and stayed the course until Debra was checked into the hospital.

Dr. Marum has become our hero of sorts. She's the one who initially found the mass on Debra's ovary. I applaud her tenacity, even when Debra tried to convince her it was just a urinary tract infection!! Once again she made the right call. Debra's shortness of breath was being caused by pulmonary emboli. They're currently giving her blood thinner's to allow the clots to reabsorb.

Personally, I'm having a hard time holding it together. It's all very scary for me. Last night, I was trying not to cry in front of Sofie. While she was cuddling with me, she noticed "sweat" on my face. I told her it wasn't sweat, but tears. I told her I had been crying because I was a little worried about Mama Debra. And in that very sweet, matter of fact way that only a 6 year old can be, she said, "Mama Debra will be okay and it's okay if you cry."

Against the advice of a few friends, I'm taking Sofie to see Debra in the hospital after school today. Debra and I feel in our guts that we need to de-stigmatize all that's going on for Sofie. It may be the wrong move, but my instinct tells me it's not. She has a lot of questions so we want to be as open as possible with her.

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