Thursday, July 19, 2007

Life as I know it as of today

It's been somewhat of a crazy week. Re-entry to the world, after having a week of bliss, has been difficult.

If you've been reading Debra's blog, you know that there's been a reality check with regards to the Cancer. If you haven't, let me give you a little update. Upon her request and probably necessity, the doctors agreed to do the CT of her liver and pelvic area. The news wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. Based on the results, they've decided to switch Debra over to her 4th chemotherapy regimen.

What does all that mean? Who *truly* knows. I can say my mind has whirled all over the place and still is. I can't speak for Debra, but I'm just having a hard time staying "in the now."

For me, this just give a glimpse of what the future will be like...indefinitely. The hardest part is the lack of specific information. It's all just speculation. How many more times will we go through answering questions like, "Are the lesions growing?", "What does that pain mean?" or "Are the drugs still working?" It's hard on your heart and soul to go through this on a regular basis.

My biggest worries are how this will/is effecting Sofie. She's such an intuitive kid. I think there's big significance to the fact that she wants me to sing "Seasons of Love" from Rent to her. There's a particular verse that end with the line, "And the way that she dies." Sofie's kind of fixated on that line right now. Is she picking up on our fear? Does she know something we don't?

Whatever your thing, please keep our little family in your thoughts and prayers.

1 comment:

Susan said...

Also a survivor of cancer and a lesbian/grandmother of 7... (and my youngest daughter is on her 5th year of survival as well), enjoying your blog, and wishing you well on this journey. Don't know what we were thinking, coming into these lives, this time, but bet our learning curves are going to take us far! Good luck to you!