I'm happy with my life. I have a great kid, lots of cool friends(new and old) and a family that loves me because of who I am, not in light of who I am. So for that, I am grateful.
Everyone is aware of the situation with Debra, that all goes without saying. It sucks, I don't like it one bit and I'm going to miss her like crazy when she's gone. Todays contemplations aren't about that either, but of course that situation is having it's effect on thoughts and actions.
I had a fitful night of sleep last night. I couldn't get to sleep and when I finally did catch some zzzzzzzz's, I kept waking up. I must have had quite the dream time with lots of processing going on. I know this because when I woke up I had the stark realization that there's a benefit my employer provides that I may get to use. It's paid parental leave for up to 8 weeks for the "primary care-giver" in an adoption situation. In the situation that will be coming up, hopefully later rather than sooner, I will be the primary care-giver who will be adopting Sofie. I've spoken with our HR people and they confirmed that I would indeed be eligible in this tough, albeit unique situation. The HR person also pointed out that I'd probably be eligible for the adoption assistance benefits, too. She very kindly reminded me of our Employee Assistance Program for help getting through the difficult times ahead.
This realization made me appreciate more(not that I wasn't already) the perks and benefits that I'm afforded by my employer. I know major illnesses can be detrimental to the bank accounts of people. I feel so fortunate that that added anxiety was never part of my journey with my Cancer. My benefits were excellent and I felt supported throughout the entire process. I've recently met families who've become bankrupt because of their illnesses. What is wrong with this country that it allows that sort of thing to happen! I'm not jumping on a soapbox here, I'm honestly curious how a country's leaders and residents can let it's citizens suffer so.
I've also been thinking about my needs and how to honor and achieve them. I've been thinking about this since returning from the retreat a few weeks ago. Mainly because everyone asked me what I was doing for ME during this time. They acknowledge it was a crazy situation and all prayed (or whatever) for Debra. However, they were huge catalyst in making me realize I need to take care of myself and my own needs, too. If I take care of my needs, I'll be better prepared to help Debra and Sofie in the ways that I want to help out. I'm so thankful for the insight I've gained since the retreat. Once again, I'm starting to listen to myself and that always feels good.