Well, I'm in less of a funk now, after spending the day out of the house doing fun things with Debra and Sofie. Unfortunately, I think a little funk will be with me for awhile, but I'm okay with that...it makes things real.
A few weeks ago, there was a horrible apartment fire in Carrboro. 14 units were damaged or lost and all of those people were displaced with nothing to their names. Being the altruistic person she is, Debra has tried to help out a couple of the people that were involved. She was notified by other employees of their needs, so we both figured out ways to help them. Since it's becoming more apparent that we'll be combining households sooner, rather than later we started with "like" items. A Cuisinart that we both own and a crock pot since we both have one. Yesterday a lovely graduate student came over to Debra's with a friend and a pick-up truck. Her needs were simple, but we offered more. We gave her the aforementioned items, however her biggest need was a bed. So without hesitation, we gave her the furniture and bedding from the guest bedroom at Debra's with a comforter from my place thrown in, too. It's so much better to give to someone in need than selling your things.
As I put Sofie to bed last night, she wasn't sleepy. More in a chatty mood. Sometimes when she's not tired, she wants to play before she goes to bed. I gave her that option but she chose to try to go to sleep instead. I turned off the light, lay beside her and she turned into Ms Chatty. We lay in her bed talking about a range of topics for another hour or so.
I'm trying not to read more into what she does or says than I should, but sometimes it's hard not to do that. She picked out the books for me to read last night. One of them was the pared down version of one of her favorite kiddie movies, The Land Before Time. This is a movie where the main character, Littlefoot, loses his mother to a T-Rex battle early on. The mother remains in spirit, heart and even clouds to guide him to safety. Symbolic? You tell me. I just know that when Debra's having conversations about death, even before her own illness, she used Littlefoot's mom AND "the circle of life" from Lion King to help Sofie understand death. It's worked...she spouts that stuff back to us and has for a long time. Since she's such a lover of all animals, I figured she'd be vegetarian. When having the discussions about eating meat, her response has always been a firm, "It's the circle of life, mommy." I'm sure that'll change because everyone I know has gone through a vegetarian stage...at least once in their life!
Last night's sudden chat fest seemed to be more out of a need for connection, safety or a unaware sadness. Whatever is keeping her chatting and connecting with me, I don't mind. It's sweet when she tells me what her worries and joys are. Last night she was trying to describe daydreaming to me. She didn't have the word, but was very aware of when it happens. I gave her the word. She's aware of the connection to that and her "concentration pill."
Sofie told me last night that she often has to re-do her math because her concentration pill makes her go through her work too fast. I told her math was never my strong subject and I struggled with it, too. She seemed surprised, yet relieved to know that I had struggles in school, too. I guess you never think about sharing struggles with your kids...but I do that often to make her struggles authentic to her. I want her to understand we all have/had our struggles but we also work(ed) through them. She also confirmed what I suspected...she loves science. It's her favorite part of school. I told her that was my favorite subject, too. We chatted about what we like about science. Her connection is simple...it's the animals. Mine was more about the cool experiments we did. I think she'll like that aspect when she gets in higher grades.
I'm amazed at the changes that are going on with Sofie right under my nose. Through all the crap that's happening in her life right now, she's remained a very compassionate kid. She loves to help out. The other day I accidentally spilled a big glass of iced-T at Debra's. Sofie was in her room when she heard the commotion. She ran out and without missing a beat said, "Mommy, go lay down, I'll clean it up!" When I didn't...because why *should* I, I was feeling fine and I made the mess...she demanded no less than 2 more times, "MOMMY, go lay down! I'll clean up the mess!!" So I removed myself from the situation and let her handle it. She moved the chair back to it's place and was so proud of herself. This kind of thing is happening more and more with our little one. She's such a great kid...how'd I get so lucky?