Thursday, March 1, 2007

Life as I know it ... at 3a March 1st, 2007

Currently, it's 3am. I've had a few hours sleep and now I'm wide awake...steroids will do that to you every time!! I also get contemplative post treatment. It may be the drugs or it may just be the down time I have that allows my head to spin and the thoughts to swirl about. Thinking about life and the future.

Life should be looking up for me. I've just completed a long and winding road of Cancer treatments. The surgery that started out as benign, then THE diagnosis, radiation and chemotherapy all in the midst of Debra wrapping up her own treatment and journey. Or so we thought. This is where life has thrown an unexpected curve ball our way.

So, while I should be feeling extremely happy about the end of my treatment, I'm really starting to feel sad about what's going on with Debra. There are so many unknowns. And all I really want her to do is get better and live a long life raising Sofie and Sofie having two moms. I want to stop crying every time I think about the other option. I want to stop thinking about the other option. I want to be supportive and not selfish. I just want all the fucking cancer to GO AWAY!!!!!

Ah, life as I know it. This is Jamie being bitter about something she has no control over. I'm not losing my mind, just letting the thoughts roll out through my fingertips.

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