Monday, March 5, 2007

Restless night

No matter how much I tried to meditate, be mindful or just sleep last night, my mind wouldn't stop. I thought my mind might slow down post treatment. It seems to have gotten more cluttered and less focused.

I started on my journey to sleep around 10p last night. I felt exhausted and I had taken some pain medicine for dealing with the body aches I have post chemo. I sat the timer on my TV(as I do often) and felt for sure I'd be asleep by the time Brother's and Sister's and the TV went off. Oh, how wrong I was. At some point, my very tired mind became engaged in the show, so I watched that. My mind raced as I was trying to settle down. *Every* time I turned off the TV and laid there quietly, my mind raced and I just thought/worried about the future.

I continue to work on being mindful and stopping all the head chatter and accepting whatever the future holds. Last night was an example of how difficult this can be for me. I didn't fall asleep until well after 4a. At 8a, I woke up feeling as if I slept all night. No naps today!! I have to stop the spinning mind and focus on life and how wonderful it is. I just finished treatment and need to focus on the greatness of that! I'll add no "buts" to this, just know they continue to creep into my thoughts.

Peace, love and long life for everyone is what I want my mind to be filled with.

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