Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Telling Tuesday

Today was supposed to be the day that Debra found out if her CA125 went up or down. In what can only be described as a comedy of errors, we found out that machine was broken. I'll let Debra write more on that whole saga. Today was going to be the day that would make Debra feel better about the future or would be more of a reality check...as if she needed more reality checks. From the brief chat that we had this morning it sounds like she got another reality check. Which means we have to have more discussions about the future.

What we haven't been talking about publicly (well at least on our blogs) is the fact that we were thinking of buying another house and moving into it as a family...not partners, but a family. There are many many pros to that decision. Unfortunately the cons, no matter how small they are, are significant and causing stress...undue and certainly not needed. We actually found a wonderful house last week, but the costs would end up being too much for me "after, after" so we slowed down and now I think we've come to a screeching halt. So for now, we go back to the original plan of Sofie and I living in the house that she and Debra live in currently...after, after.

My major reason for living together was to be able to help Debra more without feeling like I was neglecting my own home...which I have to say is being totally neglected at this point. As Debra becomes more ill(and we don't have a time line for this, so people don't panic!) I'll need/want to help out more. The unfortunate thing that seems to be going on right now is Sofie is growing tired and weary of having a sick mom. I know this is very hard on Debra. Especially when she says she wants more time with me. I don't want to remove Sofie from Debra's house because I want them to be able to spend as much time together as possible. I just want to make sure whatever happens is in everyone's best interest. I'd rather Sofie spend more time with Debra.

We'll get through this with many more ups and downs. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to those down days.

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